I’ve been trying very hard to focus on all of the positive things in my life,

and to distance myself as much as possible from the negative ones.

I have one person in my life that I care about very much that cares just as much for me.

I have two very good friends that are always there for me when I need them.

I have a very light and beautiful future ahead of me, for the most part.

And I’m actually quite satisfied with where I am in life at the moment.

On the other hand, I have more than a few lingering relationships that are barely keeping up by their threads. A family full of individuals, friends that never call, and resentment toward a relationship that never had the proper time. Should, would, and could have beens that ache my heart in the worst way.

I know that I often come off as very immature and indecisive. I just wish that more of the people I care about could realize that neither appearances truly stem from either. I’m a very isolated person. I don’t have very many friends nor very many opportunities to get out and about. It’s been very difficult for me, coming from my past and having to learn to grow from the majority of those things on my own. Without any help from anyone. I try very hard not to bring that negativity into my relationships though, and so I seldom ever talk about them. I’m very much distorted into the confines of my own mind. It’s very difficult for me to discern anything out into actual conversation because of it. I don’t like to complain. I don’t like to make excuses for myself or play “the victim.” I don’t like to have any attention brought onto me by myself. I flee from confrontation like the plaque, and I give everything I have into listening and trying to help other people sort through their own mess. I’m good at it. Practiced.

I guess the whole meaning of all of this is just to say that.. I’m trying very hard to find balance in my life. To be able to just let things happen, come and go as they may, without becoming too distraught over them whenever they may or may not come around. I don’t mean to come off as silly and uncaring. I just often become very anxious and uncomfortable while under direct focus. I feel as though I’ve lost many of the people dearest to my heart because of it. And frankly, I’m desperate for change. I don’t know. End rumble.



#personal #life #relationships #friendships #positivity #negativity #change


I am a trembling, whimpering, wanting mess thinking of you.



Stay with me, baby stay with me.

Stay with me, baby stay with me.
Tonight, don’t leave me alone.
Walk with me, come and walk with me,
To the edge of all we’ve ever known.

I can see you there with the city lights,
Fourteenth floor, pale blue eyes.
I can breathe you in.
Two shadows standing by the bedroom door,
No, I could not want you more than I did right then,
As our heads leaned in.

Well, I’m not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.
Hold my breath as you’re moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don’t run, just kiss me slowly.

Stay with me, baby stay with me,
Tonight don’t leave me alone.
She shows me everything she used to know,
Picture frames and country roads,
When the days were long and the world was small.

She stood by as it fell apart,
Separate rooms and broken hearts,
But I won’t be the one to let you go.

Oh, I’m not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.

Hold my breath as you’re moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don’t run, just kiss me slowly.

Don’t run away…
And it’s hard to love again,
When the only way it’s been,
When the only love you knew,
Just walked away…
If it’s something that you want,
Darling you don’t have to run,
You don’t have to go …

Just stay with me, baby stay with me,

Well, I’m not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below. (Don’t let go)
Hold my breath as you’re moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don’t run, just kiss me slowly.

Oh, I’m not sure where this is gonna go,
But in this moment all I know
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below. (Baby, don’t let go)
Hold my breath as you’re moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don’t run, just kiss me slowly.